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Thursday, December 30, 2004
im not going to be very flattering about religion here, so if it offends u, dun read. ive got enuff fun arguing wif and getting lectures from one anonymous stalker, i dunnid all of u cluttering up my tag too. im entitled to my view, so if u wanna curse n swear at me, do it at ur own blog. ure entitled to that :)
i've been to enough churches, from 'new-age' charismatic to more traditional evangelists, methodists churches. ive attended bible studies and read e gospels. im not a professional bible researcher, so pls dun point out what book which verse that line blah saying something against wad ive said. im not interested.
as much as i noe about the origins of Christianity, there is no argument dat it has in this day, been very much westernised. and thus, it has become an embodiment of western idiosyncrasies, to fulfill and satisfy western insecurities. (ah... i sense a lot of potential arguments here...)
see, in the churches that ive been to, the emphasis is always on 'the relationship with God'. ive heard many times, 'Christianity is about the relationship with God'. and that, is e primary insecurity of westerners. westerners live in a cold society based on individualism, where one depends on oneself, instead of e more familial setting in asian countries. and because they've become so individualistic, where its all about me myself i, naturally e insecurity of having no frens, no one to depend on, no one to trust and rely on, becomes incorporated into religion. isnt it convenient?
so now religion can fill that void and that insecurity. God becomes this person who is always there, always listening, always giving his best for you, always loving you. He gave his only son for e world ya? It's even better and more dependable den ur bestest best frens. He knows ur fears ur thoughts ur dreams. he is like a personal soulmate who saw u grew up, noes ur mum and girlfrens and their mums and every single thing u say. it's almost becoming an advertising campaign: become Christian, and u noe dat no matter wad happens, God will always be there for u. dreadfully convenient.
i noe dat there are different branches of Christianity, but no i dunno wad exactly e difference is. some see e need of good deeds, some see importance in other stuff. but regardless, and it is e same for all religion, there seem to be one, yet another dreadfully convenient, factor: faith. the fundamental requirement of any religion is to believe wholeheartedly. dreadfully convenient as i would say.
for example, a person can b a believer for years and years, and one bad thing just happen to him after another. wad could be e explanation? a nice person would console him, things and miracles will happen in God's time. have faith that it is for e best that u inherited HIV diabetes high blood pressure got knocked down by a drunk driver and became paralyzed waist down and got lung cancer bcos his father smoked. worse come to worse, theres always one consolation: u still haf ur life and life is the ultimate gift from God. a not so nice person may say: it is time to examine ur heart. did u really wholeheartedly believe and had absolute faith in God? and the best thing about faith is its immeasurable quality. could anyone really say dat in e deepest depth of his heart that he is faithful and believes absolutely? its impossible. its juz like u can never completely expel all air from ur lungs. i believe e bio students haf a term for it... residual air or sthg.
and even if someone can assert that he has absolute 100% complete unwavering faith, that's e best sort of pple, bcos they know that miracles occur in God's time. u juz need to continue to haf the faith that it is God's design that man dun understand, so its really no big deal that your wife died after a psychotic digged out her eyes n slash her stomach 42 times while slowly roasting her feet on a open fire. how do u noe its for e greater good? you dun - its faith. she's probably reaping the rewards of the kingdoms of heaven. how do u noe? you dun - its faith. e killer will get his just deserts in God's own time, even tho he was pronounced not guilty in court. how do u noe? you dun - its faith. isnt it alllll so dreadfully convenient? in one word - faith - you basically become unquestioning automatons who can justify anything with faith, God's design, greater good dat man dun comprehend.
millions died in one tidal wave. how do u noe its for e greater good? you dun - its faith. had a car accident n crippled from head to toe. others haf to clean ur shit literally becos u cant do anything about it. how do u noe its for e best? you dun - its faith. how do u noe there's a God? you dun - its faith.
sure, there are pple who says that they've witness miracles. some that had visions. some that had seen the impossible happen. im really really sorry to say this, and i think its probably unfair to those pple who've experience these miracles for me to juz dismiss them simply bcos i havent experience one myself, but, once upon a time, pple believed that the Sun was Helios the Greek Sun God driving a chariot across e sky, and that tidal waves were caused by the God of sea Poseidon. Poetry and music came from Apollo God of light, Science and Arts came from the 9 Muses, daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne Goddess of memory. my point? what is the difference then and now? when Christians say all sciences came from God. love hope faith, the essential nature of God, the theological virtues as defined by St Paul, which man do not possess because of the Original Sin and were conferred only at Baptism. the Four Cardinal Virtues of prudence courage temperance justice. did u christians even noe it originated from the Greeks? Seven Heavenly Virtues of faith hope charity prudence fortitude temperance justice. also originated partly from the Greeks. y would u label the Greeks of e past as ignorant peasants, but people now as devout?
Do your best, and God will do the rest. granted. its motivational. i used it to encourage myself and a number of pple for more than a couple of times. but i simply cannot bring myself to believe in somebody i cannot see nor hear nor touch. and by that i mean physically. dun tell me to look in my heart. i only see blood squirting around in there. and dun list to me all e miracles that happend, bcos, in every single other religion, Buddhism, Islam whatever. there are always testimonies of miracles. so whats to stop me from believin them instead of Christianity?
of course, e best stories are those pastors who denounced Christianity and later got changed by a miracle and then became the one with the strongest faith in the church. that may happen to me, u never noe, but before a miracle happens to me personally, i doubt it. oh. and theres kinda a conflict even if miracles happened. my family are staunch buddhists. how do i noe its e christian God and not e Buddha who did e miracles? of course unless they sign off their miracles wif 'Yours Faithfully, Guan Yin'. no i dun worship guan yin. nor my family.
btw, if u die die need to say something, (i noe some of u are liidat... dun deny :P) pls use e comment function. i really really dun wan my tagboard messed up wif random comments on this paragraph that line that sort of thing. i dint bash up christianity (at least i hope i dint) so i hope u dun bash me up too.
i've been to enough churches, from 'new-age' charismatic to more traditional evangelists, methodists churches. ive attended bible studies and read e gospels. im not a professional bible researcher, so pls dun point out what book which verse that line blah saying something against wad ive said. im not interested.
as much as i noe about the origins of Christianity, there is no argument dat it has in this day, been very much westernised. and thus, it has become an embodiment of western idiosyncrasies, to fulfill and satisfy western insecurities. (ah... i sense a lot of potential arguments here...)
see, in the churches that ive been to, the emphasis is always on 'the relationship with God'. ive heard many times, 'Christianity is about the relationship with God'. and that, is e primary insecurity of westerners. westerners live in a cold society based on individualism, where one depends on oneself, instead of e more familial setting in asian countries. and because they've become so individualistic, where its all about me myself i, naturally e insecurity of having no frens, no one to depend on, no one to trust and rely on, becomes incorporated into religion. isnt it convenient?
so now religion can fill that void and that insecurity. God becomes this person who is always there, always listening, always giving his best for you, always loving you. He gave his only son for e world ya? It's even better and more dependable den ur bestest best frens. He knows ur fears ur thoughts ur dreams. he is like a personal soulmate who saw u grew up, noes ur mum and girlfrens and their mums and every single thing u say. it's almost becoming an advertising campaign: become Christian, and u noe dat no matter wad happens, God will always be there for u. dreadfully convenient.
i noe dat there are different branches of Christianity, but no i dunno wad exactly e difference is. some see e need of good deeds, some see importance in other stuff. but regardless, and it is e same for all religion, there seem to be one, yet another dreadfully convenient, factor: faith. the fundamental requirement of any religion is to believe wholeheartedly. dreadfully convenient as i would say.
for example, a person can b a believer for years and years, and one bad thing just happen to him after another. wad could be e explanation? a nice person would console him, things and miracles will happen in God's time. have faith that it is for e best that u inherited HIV diabetes high blood pressure got knocked down by a drunk driver and became paralyzed waist down and got lung cancer bcos his father smoked. worse come to worse, theres always one consolation: u still haf ur life and life is the ultimate gift from God. a not so nice person may say: it is time to examine ur heart. did u really wholeheartedly believe and had absolute faith in God? and the best thing about faith is its immeasurable quality. could anyone really say dat in e deepest depth of his heart that he is faithful and believes absolutely? its impossible. its juz like u can never completely expel all air from ur lungs. i believe e bio students haf a term for it... residual air or sthg.
and even if someone can assert that he has absolute 100% complete unwavering faith, that's e best sort of pple, bcos they know that miracles occur in God's time. u juz need to continue to haf the faith that it is God's design that man dun understand, so its really no big deal that your wife died after a psychotic digged out her eyes n slash her stomach 42 times while slowly roasting her feet on a open fire. how do u noe its for e greater good? you dun - its faith. she's probably reaping the rewards of the kingdoms of heaven. how do u noe? you dun - its faith. e killer will get his just deserts in God's own time, even tho he was pronounced not guilty in court. how do u noe? you dun - its faith. isnt it alllll so dreadfully convenient? in one word - faith - you basically become unquestioning automatons who can justify anything with faith, God's design, greater good dat man dun comprehend.
millions died in one tidal wave. how do u noe its for e greater good? you dun - its faith. had a car accident n crippled from head to toe. others haf to clean ur shit literally becos u cant do anything about it. how do u noe its for e best? you dun - its faith. how do u noe there's a God? you dun - its faith.
sure, there are pple who says that they've witness miracles. some that had visions. some that had seen the impossible happen. im really really sorry to say this, and i think its probably unfair to those pple who've experience these miracles for me to juz dismiss them simply bcos i havent experience one myself, but, once upon a time, pple believed that the Sun was Helios the Greek Sun God driving a chariot across e sky, and that tidal waves were caused by the God of sea Poseidon. Poetry and music came from Apollo God of light, Science and Arts came from the 9 Muses, daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne Goddess of memory. my point? what is the difference then and now? when Christians say all sciences came from God. love hope faith, the essential nature of God, the theological virtues as defined by St Paul, which man do not possess because of the Original Sin and were conferred only at Baptism. the Four Cardinal Virtues of prudence courage temperance justice. did u christians even noe it originated from the Greeks? Seven Heavenly Virtues of faith hope charity prudence fortitude temperance justice. also originated partly from the Greeks. y would u label the Greeks of e past as ignorant peasants, but people now as devout?
Do your best, and God will do the rest. granted. its motivational. i used it to encourage myself and a number of pple for more than a couple of times. but i simply cannot bring myself to believe in somebody i cannot see nor hear nor touch. and by that i mean physically. dun tell me to look in my heart. i only see blood squirting around in there. and dun list to me all e miracles that happend, bcos, in every single other religion, Buddhism, Islam whatever. there are always testimonies of miracles. so whats to stop me from believin them instead of Christianity?
of course, e best stories are those pastors who denounced Christianity and later got changed by a miracle and then became the one with the strongest faith in the church. that may happen to me, u never noe, but before a miracle happens to me personally, i doubt it. oh. and theres kinda a conflict even if miracles happened. my family are staunch buddhists. how do i noe its e christian God and not e Buddha who did e miracles? of course unless they sign off their miracles wif 'Yours Faithfully, Guan Yin'. no i dun worship guan yin. nor my family.
btw, if u die die need to say something, (i noe some of u are liidat... dun deny :P) pls use e comment function. i really really dun wan my tagboard messed up wif random comments on this paragraph that line that sort of thing. i dint bash up christianity (at least i hope i dint) so i hope u dun bash me up too.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
in life as we walk, many passersby pass us by.
but they know nothing about you
except for a first impression.
so don't tell me about how
it seems that its always others at fault.
don't tell me about
it takes two hands to clap.
don't tell me to
think about the things i did.
becos
u don't understand what i mean
u don't comprehend what i wrote
u don't know about all the things i did.
why i did.
since
u don't know anything
don't presume to give advice.
my friends
give advice by telling me straight in the face.
not under some anonymous text.
but they know nothing about you
except for a first impression.
so don't tell me about how
it seems that its always others at fault.
don't tell me about
it takes two hands to clap.
don't tell me to
think about the things i did.
becos
u don't understand what i mean
u don't comprehend what i wrote
u don't know about all the things i did.
why i did.
since
u don't know anything
don't presume to give advice.
my friends
give advice by telling me straight in the face.
not under some anonymous text.
Monday, December 27, 2004
3) Talk about all the people who have, in this year, entered and made significant impact to your life.
4) What important things did you learn this year?
he.
i really don't know what to say. he made me realise what friendship is. what it means to haf a buddy. what it means to not haf one. friendship from the most shallow acquaintance to the deepest friend. he taught me how to trust, because he betrayed that trust. i was most fulfilled when with him, my insecurities he banished.
she.
i really don't know what to say to them. i'm meeting them for lunch tml, and they have been asking about her, but how am i to tell them we are no longer talking. she made me realise the possibility of platonic friendship. what it means to haf a friend of the opposite gender. what it means to not haf a friend of the opposite gender. she taught me to do what i want, like a man would. i was most needed when with her, my confidence she reassured.
you.
there is so much i want to say, if only you would give me a second chance, a chance to tell you. you made me realise love. its ups and downs and its many different forms. what it means to be in love. what it means to break up. you taught me insanity. there is no logic in love. i was most conflicted when with you. most happy. most sad. most anger. most fear. most human. my self you trust.
4) What important things did you learn this year?
he.
i really don't know what to say. he made me realise what friendship is. what it means to haf a buddy. what it means to not haf one. friendship from the most shallow acquaintance to the deepest friend. he taught me how to trust, because he betrayed that trust. i was most fulfilled when with him, my insecurities he banished.
she.
i really don't know what to say to them. i'm meeting them for lunch tml, and they have been asking about her, but how am i to tell them we are no longer talking. she made me realise the possibility of platonic friendship. what it means to haf a friend of the opposite gender. what it means to not haf a friend of the opposite gender. she taught me to do what i want, like a man would. i was most needed when with her, my confidence she reassured.
you.
there is so much i want to say, if only you would give me a second chance, a chance to tell you. you made me realise love. its ups and downs and its many different forms. what it means to be in love. what it means to break up. you taught me insanity. there is no logic in love. i was most conflicted when with you. most happy. most sad. most anger. most fear. most human. my self you trust.
Sunday, December 26, 2004
sometimes we don't do things
not because we don't want to
but exactly because
it is what we want.
it's a self preservation thing.
not because we don't want to
but exactly because
it is what we want.
it's a self preservation thing.
Friday, December 24, 2004
deja vu
its night
we watch charmed
we drank vodka
they were almost late in catching last bus
i came back to the computer
you're online
but this time
i dun tell u anything.
its night
we watch charmed
we drank vodka
they were almost late in catching last bus
i came back to the computer
you're online
but this time
i dun tell u anything.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
a friend once asked
'wad does it mean if a person never initiates any conversation no matter how long u're there, but replies enthusiastically n rapidly when u start?'
i'd say
e person doesnt like u. but types fast, and has nothing to do anyway. mayb juz too nice or shy to tell u to shut up n go away.
the same friend said
'You are right that it is a form of insecurity in action. Who doesn't have insecurities? It is solely because one has insecurities that one seeks a lifelong partner to fill in his or her own insecurities.'
ha. imagine ur boyfriend telling u
i dun need u anyway. too secure for such a weak thing such as 'needing another'.
'wad does it mean if a person never initiates any conversation no matter how long u're there, but replies enthusiastically n rapidly when u start?'
i'd say
e person doesnt like u. but types fast, and has nothing to do anyway. mayb juz too nice or shy to tell u to shut up n go away.
the same friend said
'You are right that it is a form of insecurity in action. Who doesn't have insecurities? It is solely because one has insecurities that one seeks a lifelong partner to fill in his or her own insecurities.'
ha. imagine ur boyfriend telling u
i dun need u anyway. too secure for such a weak thing such as 'needing another'.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
its not easy earning.
money, trust.
and bastards juz splurge so quickly.
money, trust.
and bastards juz splurge so quickly.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
2 mothers
barely talking
2 sisters
havent heard of for years
now
1 sister-in-law
does e same fate awaits?
where did e brothers go?
its juz not a guy thing.
barely talking
2 sisters
havent heard of for years
now
1 sister-in-law
does e same fate awaits?
where did e brothers go?
its juz not a guy thing.
Monday, December 20, 2004
'at least' doesnt work for me.
im demanding. im unreasonable.
sometimes its not abt not trying.
sometimes its abt trying not hard enuff.
sometimes its abt trying too hard.
im demanding. im unreasonable.
sometimes its not abt not trying.
sometimes its abt trying not hard enuff.
sometimes its abt trying too hard.
Saturday, December 18, 2004
"always look on the bright side of life"
noe e song?
well, e singer juz committed suicide this week.
irony.
noe e song?
well, e singer juz committed suicide this week.
irony.
Friday, December 17, 2004
i never got a second chance from her.
wad makes u thnk u will from me.
wad makes u thnk u will from me.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
"what comes around goes around"
i dun believe in that.
there r pple who wld wan to believe in 'karma' 'retribution' and stuff like this, but i dun thnk its something dat always exist.
'karma' is juz like any other religion - something comforting for a vindictive vengeful person. it sort of goes like this: person A hurts person B. person B doesnt pursue e matter, not because he is forgiving, but because he believes in karma, and that eventually person A will get hurt. "he cheated me of ten million bucks, but ha! its his karma n retribution that his children haf cancer". is this really e sort of thinking we want to breed?
some pple can 'do evil' all their lives, but they'll never get any retribution. (then there will b pple who will believe viciously that these pple will b reborned as dung beetles.) i thnk, in order to move on wif life, spare urself e anguish, n NOT turn out to b a vindictive malicious person, u haf to recognise this.
there is no such thing as retribution.
he hurts u. datz it. stay away from him. there isnt anythng more. now get on wif life. instead of pursuing his every movement, then going "YES! ALRITE HE DESERVES IT" whenever he so much as trips n falls.
besides, there are always phases pple go thru. some guy may b damn evil and breaks all e girls hearts and all e girls and their girl gangs will b there cursing him 'he will get his retribution one day and e girl he truly loves will dump him'. but this guy may change and later become gentle n caring n e perfect gentleman n blahblahblah... do u really still expect 'karma' to come haunting him? then his frens ard him (who dint noe him when he was a jerk) will go 'where is justice in e world? such a good guy gets hurt n dumped n blahblahblah'
complicated aint it not?
heh.
to melf: true, systems always haf cause n effects n negative feedbacks, but there are systems which will fail to correct themselves. look at keynesians non-automatic stabilisers. market failures. haha
i dun believe in that.
there r pple who wld wan to believe in 'karma' 'retribution' and stuff like this, but i dun thnk its something dat always exist.
'karma' is juz like any other religion - something comforting for a vindictive vengeful person. it sort of goes like this: person A hurts person B. person B doesnt pursue e matter, not because he is forgiving, but because he believes in karma, and that eventually person A will get hurt. "he cheated me of ten million bucks, but ha! its his karma n retribution that his children haf cancer". is this really e sort of thinking we want to breed?
some pple can 'do evil' all their lives, but they'll never get any retribution. (then there will b pple who will believe viciously that these pple will b reborned as dung beetles.) i thnk, in order to move on wif life, spare urself e anguish, n NOT turn out to b a vindictive malicious person, u haf to recognise this.
there is no such thing as retribution.
he hurts u. datz it. stay away from him. there isnt anythng more. now get on wif life. instead of pursuing his every movement, then going "YES! ALRITE HE DESERVES IT" whenever he so much as trips n falls.
besides, there are always phases pple go thru. some guy may b damn evil and breaks all e girls hearts and all e girls and their girl gangs will b there cursing him 'he will get his retribution one day and e girl he truly loves will dump him'. but this guy may change and later become gentle n caring n e perfect gentleman n blahblahblah... do u really still expect 'karma' to come haunting him? then his frens ard him (who dint noe him when he was a jerk) will go 'where is justice in e world? such a good guy gets hurt n dumped n blahblahblah'
complicated aint it not?
heh.
to melf: true, systems always haf cause n effects n negative feedbacks, but there are systems which will fail to correct themselves. look at keynesians non-automatic stabilisers. market failures. haha
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
i had an ecstatic experience on december 15th 330am at esplanade... read abt it at my class blog www.03a11.blogspot.com
Sunday, December 12, 2004
How I Spent My Vacation
By Twinkie
I spent my vacation in the bughouse, listening to the other buggies screaming and laughing just to pass the time away. Normal people can't seem to understand how nice it is to be nuts sometimes, and that's very sad. People out there in the world of normal have to face reality every day, and reality is usually flat and grey and ugly, and time only runs in one direction, and doorknobs can't talk. A true nutso doesn't have to put up with that. We can make our world as beautiful as we want it to be, since it has to do what we tell it to do.
Isn't that neat?
In the world of nuts, nothing is real, so we can change anything we don't like. If a day is beautiful, we can make it last for a thousand years; if it's ugly, we can just throw it away. If the sun is too bright, we can send it to its room, and if the stars are too dim, we can tell them to burn more brightly, and they will, just to make us happy.
That's what makes the world of nuts so much nicer than the world of normies. Our truth wags its tail and licks our fingers; their truth snarls, and it bites.
Sometimes, sometimes, those of us in the world of nuts think about the world of normies, and we've pretty much decided that it might be sort of fun to visit once in a while, but we certainly wouldn't want to live there. It's just too desperate and ugly, and the normies never seem to get the things they want, no matter how hard they try, and that's very sad.
People from the world of the normies used to visit us in the bughouse now and then, but they weren't really very much fun. They always looked so serious and worried, and they almost never laughed. Normies just can't seem to see the world the way we buggies see it, so they can't even begin to see how funny it is. They couldn't seem to relax, and their eyes got all wild when the nutso down the hall started to practise screaming. Don't they know that screaming is a fine art? In the Olympic games of the world of nuts, a perfect ten scream wins the gold medal every time.
I've moved back to the world of the normies now, and I know that I'm supposed to be serious and never laugh, but sometimes - sometimes - I scream a little bit, just for old times' sake. I make it a point to scream politely, though. It's not nice to wake the neighbors in the grey world of the normies. A few quiet little screams aren't really all that disturbing, though, and I always seem to sleep better after I scream.
And when I sleep, I sometimes dream of the world of nuts, and my doorknob sings to me, and my walls hold me tight, and I drift above the sky and look down at the desperate, grubby, ugly world of the normies where everybody is serious and worried, and never, never, ever smiles.
And I laugh.
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
i hid in tolaria to escape from e memories of phyrexia
in isolation
e world passed by and moved on
but time slowed and stopped
e pain is still fresh e scars yet healed
kept alive as it feeds on itself
they think im mad
only bcos they do not see e evil i see
how was i to noe dat
leaving tolaria brings as much pain as entering it
memories of barrin and e academy
is harder to leave behind than phyrexia.
in isolation
e world passed by and moved on
but time slowed and stopped
e pain is still fresh e scars yet healed
kept alive as it feeds on itself
they think im mad
only bcos they do not see e evil i see
how was i to noe dat
leaving tolaria brings as much pain as entering it
memories of barrin and e academy
is harder to leave behind than phyrexia.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
btw, if ure interested in day to day mundane entries, go to 03a11.blogspot.com. here will only haf personal dpressing entries.
i dreamt of you last night.
you said sorry.
i dint want you to.
you cried.
and all was fine.
but do dreams predict e future
e opposite of future
or do they reflect e deepest desire
e opposite of e deepest desire
or are they juz dreams
with no value
no impact
on life whatsoever.
you said sorry.
i dint want you to.
you cried.
and all was fine.
but do dreams predict e future
e opposite of future
or do they reflect e deepest desire
e opposite of e deepest desire
or are they juz dreams
with no value
no impact
on life whatsoever.